The Folder
by BurningDownTheHouse
Summary: SMacked. Stella needs Mac's help and support, but only if she'll let him in.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine no profit

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"What's this?" Mac asked softly, tapping his finger against the top of the file in Stella's hand. He sat down opposite her as she sat her desk in her own small office, so immensely involved in whatever she was reading that she didn't notice her boss and closest-friend entering.

Stella looked up at him, jumping slightly in shock at his presence. A natural smile quickly graced her face as she realized Mac had joined her. She lowered the folder to her desk, closing it up as she answered simply, "It's nothing."

"You certainly seemed interested," Mac pressed, suggesting, "Inexplicable case?"

Stella shook her head, repeating in a calm tone, "It's nothing." She looked him meaningfully in the eye, warning him that she'd soon become much less tolerant if her persisted with the matter.

"If you need to talk, I'm here," Mac reminded her with an understanding nod, slipping away from the subject. "Everyone's heading out for pizza if you wanna come with."

She laughed gently, sending him straight back into confusion. She replied to his unspoken question, "It's been a long time since _you've_ tried to drag _me_ away from work. A matter of years I believe." She stood up, picking the file up and clutching at it between her fingers as she gathered together her things, shoving everything she needed into her handbag.

"Things change," Mac pointed out, commenting, "Maybe it's time for me to return to my equilibrium…I think I'm finally moving on." They locked eyes again as she paused to check whether he was being serious.

"In that case…Welcome back," she grinned, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his cheek as she brushed past him, holding the door open and reaching for the light switch, waiting for Mac.

He smiled to himself, shaking off the momentary loss of control after Stella's sign of friendly affection, dismissing it as just that and nothing more. He walked through the door, stopping outside as she flicked off the lights and locked the office.

She looked to him, her eyes catching the glint of car keys in his hand. She stated with a playful smirk, "I'll drive." She carefully snatched the keys from him, heading off in the direction of the car park, Mac following quickly behind, catching up so that he could place his hand against the small of her back like he was so fond of.

"Do you even know where we're going?" Mac pointed out, his smile clear through his tone as they reached the elevator, leaning forward to press the down button.

Stella turned to him, raising her eyebrows at him incredulously, scolding him for questioning her. She stepped inside the lift, saying with a false curt voice, "Well, Detective Taylor, I was rather expecting you'd direct me a little. You're my boss; you're meant to give me instruction."

"Since when have you ever followed that rule?" Mac challenged her, glancing sideways and unable to prevent the huge smile that formed across his face as he saw her look of pure disbelief.

This was her Mac back again; her Mac from before Claire, before the depression, before the impromptu death and falling of a nation. He was laughing and joking with her openly once more; he was living a second life. "What've you done with the new Mac? You wait until I'm all settled again and then you transform back," she told him with a clearly fake annoyance. She took a moment to think, something clicking in her mind as she pointed out, "You're gonna give the guys the shock of their life. Lindsay's never known you like this…the others have probably forgotten…"

"I'm sure they'll cope just fine," Mac argued gently, meeting her eye for a brief second before the doors pinged open and they stepped out in unison. His hand moved to her back again, resting comfortably against her as they walked out of the lab and towards his car.

"So, are you gonna tell me what inspired this change in spirit?" Stella asked with a slight tease as she started up the car, swiftly driving out of the car park. She headed straight out into the heavy New York traffic, squeezing her way through the cars towards a nearby deserted street where she knew they'd be able to park up and walk to the restaurant from.

"Someone I spoke to today made me realize something," Mac responded vaguely, keeping his eyes on approaching cars to help avoid the high chance of collision in the overcrowded city.

"They must have said something pretty damn good," Stella sighed, "I've only been trying to get through for the last five years." Stella glanced at Mac, seeing his attention wavering as he reached down for the file that had been placed near his feet.

Swinging into the road they had been heading for, Stella pulled over, lifting her gun from the holster and aiming it at Mac's hand, showing immediately that she wasn't fooling around. "You make one more move towards that file and I'll have to call out the others to investigate your assault."

"Stella put the gun down," Mac ordered her softly, keeping his tone unthreatening as she slowly pulled the gun away from him. He withdrew his hand from the file, telling her, "I'm just trying to help; there's something in here that you obviously don't want me to see but it's clearly been on your mind all day. Talking can help."

"Don't spin that crap," Stella warned him, a menacing layer still to her tone.

Mac held his hands up in defeat, "Your words not mine."

"Come on, we're meant to be going for pizza," Stella moved swiftly away from the topic, pulling the keys from the ignition and climbing out of the car, shoving the door shut with a loud thud.

Mac sighed heavily to himself, shaking his head softly in disappointment before following her lead and joining her on the pavement. "Stel, you're not cross with me are you?" His focus remained on her as they went along the street at each other's side.

"I thought you trusted me enough not to invade my privacy…I thought I could trust you enough not to invade my privacy," Stella said pointedly. She didn't look at Mac, staring at the path ahead of them instead.

"I'm sorry." He spoke sincerely, covering her hand with his, linking their fingers gently. "I trust you, and I value your trust in me greatly. I don't like to see you so on edge and unhappy though…when you don't tell me something I find it frustrating. There are so many things I never found out about people; colleagues and family, and before I realized how much it meant to be it was too late."

"Maybe we should talk about this later." Stella was clearly exhausted, the argument fading from her. She gripped Mac's hand, hoping that he could understand how difficult the subject was to her.

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Please feel free to leave a review if you have time. Thanks!

Ciao


	2. Restaurant

Thanks for the reviews and the comments on the random gun pulling stunt Stella did. Sorry about the out-of-chracterness there.

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"What took you guys so long?" Danny asked, shuffling along the booth to make space for Stella next to him. Mac took the seat opposite, leaving a clear silence before answering for both himself and Stella.

"We got caught up in traffic. It's chaos out there like usual." He reached out and grabbed a slice of pizza, holding his hand beneath the food as he ate to prevent the strings of cheese from dropping to the table.

"What's up with you, Bonasera?" Danny questioned through a mouthful of Hawaiian pizza, his words muffled slightly. He earned a light punch on the arm from Flack, sitting on his other side, at the tactless comment. "You look like hell."

"Thanks, Dan," Stella said, her lips pursed and showing her obvious annoyance. She let her eyes slip shut for a moment longer than necessary, drawing the attention back to her as the observant CSIs noticed that something was seriously wrong with the usually bubbly Detective Bonasera. "You know what, I don't feel great," Stella quickly excused herself, rising from the cushioned seat; "I'll be back in a minute." She strode towards the ladies room at the back of the restaurant, barging into the door, her palms flat against the wooden surface as she pushed it open.

Everyone's gaze turned expectantly to Lindsay who sat on a pulled up chair at the end of the table. She stopped mid bite of the food balanced in her fingers. She swallowed heavily, placing the slice back down on her plate. "I'll go check she's alright." She took the hint from their suggesting looks, hurrying after Stella.

Stella leant her elbows against the sideboard by the basins, her head resting in her hands as she stared down into the sink, sighing heavily. She tried massaging her forehead to relieve some of the tension and rid herself of the headache that was threatening to build up. She didn't know what to do, she couldn't talk to Mac anymore and she didn't have anyone else who would understand.

Lindsay entered in a rush, stopping in the doorway briefly as she was taken aback by the sigh of Stella visibly falling apart. Stella was always the tough one at the lab- took no shit, showed no weakness.

Stella turned her head in her hands, standing up and stretching out her back as she saw Lindsay, trying to pull herself together in front of the younger woman.

"Stella, what's the matter?" Lindsay asked softly, her tone reassuring and undemanding as she approached Stella, finally settling by leaning against the sideboard at Stella's side.

Stella let out another long sigh, unsure what to say; should she lie again, pretend that everything was alright and she just had a rough day, or should she tell Lindsay the truth and seek for some form of help in her colleague. The latter seemed more tempting at that precise moment in time. "Have you ever had a friend that was so close to you that you could tell them anything and not have to worry about the consequences? Then one day something happens and you can't turn to them anymore?" Stella glanced up at Lindsay to receive a nod in reply.

"What's happened between you and Mac?" Lindsay asked, immediately catching on.

"I think he may fire me," Stella replied truthfully. She explained, "I've done something against protocol; something he won't approve of at all. Then to top it off I pulled my gun on him. I don't know why I did it…I just couldn't let him find out what I've done. It's not even like I care particularly about the job; I think I might have wrecked my friendship with him, I wasn't even joking when I threatened him with my gun."

"He looks worried for you, Stella," Lindsay pointed out, reassuring her, "He doesn't appear to be that annoyed that you used your weapon. He can see you're under a lot of pressure from something and he just wants to help."

"You don't understand," Stella argued quietly, her trademark fiery passion being replaced with a timid tone, remorseful and regretting, "If I tell him why I don't want him looking in that file he'll fire me; he'll have no choice. If this is affecting me so much that I'll even pull my gun on _Mac_ I shouldn't be working anyway."

There was a tentative knock on the door, followed by Danny's head appearing around. Cautiously he stepped into the room, looking fearful of the surroundings as he commented, "I drew the short straw; no one wanted to come into the ladies. It's like an unwritten law- no guy should ever have to go into the women's bathroom." He continued to ramble as his eyes darted from corner to corner in the room.

"You know you're gonna get chucked out of here if anyone finds you," Lindsay pointed out incredulously, her eyebrows rising at Danny's strange behaviour.

"You think I wanna be in here?" Danny demanded desperately, despairing at the idea, "Didn't you hear what I just said? I got the _short_ straw; I'm not exactly here out of my own free will. They sent me!"

"Why did they send you?" Stella placed on hand on her hip, holding her stance powerfully to take over as the authoritative figure in the room, commanding respect from the startled CSI Messer.

"We wanted to check you were alright," Danny admitted, "We're worried for you; you've been really absorbed today. Mac can't concentrate on anything; he keeps going on about you. What've you done to make him so jumpy?" Danny seemed to settle into the environment, now focused on meeting Stella's eye.

"I'm fine," Stella insisted, making up a quick but believable excuse, "I just have a headache. We'll be back in a minute." Stella sent him a look that told him to leave straight away, and so he obeyed without hesitation.

"You should talk to Mac, at least about the gun thing," Lindsay reasoned, "And if you can't tell him about the other thing…whatever's in the file you were talking about…try telling someone else; someone completely unrelated to the crime lab if you want, just to get it off your chest."

"I'll think about that," Stella promised, leading the way back out of the bathroom, heading swiftly to the table and taking her seat again. She looked Mac in the eye for a lingering second; offering him an encouraging smile to let him know everything would be alright.

He smiled in return, understanding the message she was conveying through that single action. Both were oblivious to the looks they were receiving from the rest of the group, silently questioning them.

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All reviews very much appreciated,

ciao


	3. Truths

AN: Sorry about the wait- had writers block over this fic. This chapter probs ain't my best work, but anyhoo...hope you like it : )

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"What do you say to a round of drinks?" Danny suggested, remembering, "I found this great little bar not far off from here. It's usually quiet around this time." He looked around the table to the group who all seemed to nod in agreement.

"I better head home," Stella admitted, sounding only vaguely disappointed. "I've got things to do before tomorrow." She nodded her farewell to the group as she rose from her seat.

Mac did likewise, following Stella out of the restaurant leaving no excuse, only some cash on the table towards the cost of the meal. He caught up with Stella just outside in the street, reminding her, "Your things are in my car. I'll give you a lift home."

"Thanks, Mac," she smiled quietly, leading the way down the empty street. Mac remained a few paces behind her, seeing she was too involved in her own thoughts to really appreciate his company.

She turned back to face him for a few steps, wandering backwards towards the car as they approached the vehicle. Her expression remained almost blank as she told him, "I think I owe you an apology for earlier…possibly an explanation as well." She let out a low chuckle, a smile gracing her face as she continued, "I shouldn't have snapped at you…I definitely shouldn't have used my gun."

Mac cut her short, telling her gently, "Stel, you don't have to explain yourself to me. Friends never need an explanation, enemies never believe them."

Their journey was spent in comfortable silence, Stella watching absent-mindedly out of the window as Mac weaved his way through the traffic. Finally they pulled up outside her apartment building, Mac shutting the engine off and studying her as she collected her things together.

"If you need to talk," Mac began, eyeing the folder held tightly in her hands. He trailed of, his eyes conveying his meaning as they locked with hers.

Stella nodded acceptingly, smiling graciously, "I know. I'll see you tomorrow, Mac."

"Keep safe," Mac wished her well. He waited outside the block of apartments until he could see Stella's light flickering on, roughly half way up the stack of homes. He didn't want to leave her alone, but she had made it pretty clear that she wasn't up to talking about what was going on her life at the moment, especially not about the contents of the folder she protected so fiercely.

Stella sat down at the table crammed into the corner of her living area, usually reserved for case-file storage but now being used as a layout table for the multiple pieces of paper she had managed to print off and cram into the folder.

She picked up the first one with wavering hands, looking down at the small picture of herself that stared back up at her from the corner of the page. Her eyes scanned the page, quickly absorbing the information that she already knew.

_Name: Bonasera, Stella_

_Rank: First Grade Detective_

_Next of Kin: Detective Mac Taylor_

She continued to read, finding nothing of interest on the page, just a list of dates and a brief summary on her education and complaints made against her. Nervously she glanced up towards the general direction of the door, half expecting someone to be watching her as she proceeded to rummage through the file she never should have had access to.

The doorbell rung, making her jump out of her seat in surprise. She shook the uncomfortable feeling from her body and mind, standing up and swiftly making her way towards the door. She heaved it open, her eyes widening as she saw Mac waiting now only a metre away from her. "Mac?" Stella stumbled, "What…what are you doing here?"

Mac seemed equally unsure and confused as he replied slowly, "I just…I wanted to make sure you're ok…you don't seem right today." He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, looking down to the floor as he was unable to meet her eye. "You've helped me to get where I am today; I can't just leave you to struggle through on your own. I know you said…"

"Thanks for coming back," Stella smiled gratefully, stepping back from the door to let him in, closing the door behind him as he entered. Stella knew that Lindsay had been right when she said she ought to talk to Mac. All she could do now was hope that Mac wouldn't be cross and that he would understand. "Can we talk?"

"Of course," Mac responded, his tone a little surprised as he made his way towards her sofa, sitting down. His gaze fell on the table, still covered in the documents Stella had accessed and taken. He rose, making his way towards them, glancing at Stella for confirmation before moving within reading distance.

Stella nodded, her eyes slipping shut as she gave him permission to continue.

Mac's fingers ran over the pieces of paper, flipping through the pages at the top of the pile, taking his time to scan read the first few documents. He questioned softly, "Stella?" He waited expectantly for her reply.

"I'm sorry," Stella whispered, "I had to know. I realize I've jeopardised my job…the integrity of the lab…our friendship…"

"Nothing can jeopardise our friendship," he stopped her apology, meeting her eye meaningfully. She smiled sadly back at him as he couldn't tear his eyes away from hers. "Even using your position to find out your own background information."

"I just thought if suspects have all their information stored in the system, surely we would too. As it happens everything's there- about my parents, why they abandoned me- everything." Tears formed in her eyes at the harsh mention of her parents.

Mac stepped forward, enveloping her in his arms. They stood like that for some time, slowly swaying back and forth in a comforting fashion. Stella's hands made their way up onto Mac's back, clutching gently as she buried her face against his neck.

Tentatively Mac pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head as she pulled away. Their eyes met as she began to ramble, "I know you fired Aiden for something like this…I was just afraid you'd do the same to me…I know it's wrong but…"

"Aiden was contemplating setting someone up; changing their life by sending them to jail, and even if he was guilty we had no evidence; we don't have the power to decide who is wrong and who is right, just to determine the events that happened. This is your life you investigated, and we'll make no more of that."

Stella nodded in silent thanks, remaining in close proximity to Mac, their toes still touching where they stood. She smiled gently as she allowed him to pull her into another embrace, this time much looser and relaxed than the last, simply holding each other as they spoke in soft tones.

"You know…they didn't want to leave me…they just couldn't afford to keep me," Stella murmured, her voice slightly muffled by the material of Mac's shirt. "They were young when they had me and already had a daughter to support…they had no other choice."

"I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to leave you, Stel." The comment was more to comfort her than to add to the conversation. Mac didn't know how to respond to her findings; he'd never been abandoned, never left to live in an orphanage, never found out the truth behind his parents and discovered an unknown sibling.

"I have an older sister," Stella laughed quietly, her tone brightening, "I've always wanted an older sister. There was this girl in the orphanage…at first I used to follow her everywhere. One day she was taken away though- sent to a foster home and never came back. After that I stopped depending on others; stopped accepting them into my life in case they were taken too." There was still a touch of sadness to her voice.

"You know I'm never going to leave you?" Mac checked with her, kissing the top of her head again in reassurance.

Stella nodded, her eyes slipping shut, "I know, Mac…I know…"

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I'm always interested in your opinion, as long as it's not a flame...

: ) Ciao xxx


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